The Adventuress

Tuesday Treasure Trove: Numero IX Part 3

by Amber on August 15th, 2006

So… this is the end of the Adventuress forever.

I thought I would go out with my very last Tuesday Treasure Trove and finish up my review of The Curse of Monkey Island: featuring Stan the Salesman and Guybrush Threepwood.

Let’s cut the chit chat, shall we and get on with this thing.

When we last left off, Guybrush has just taken some hangover remedy with a shot of his favorite alcoholic beverage. Unfortunately for him, he was killed.

And like I said… Dead… dead as a door nail.

That’s pretty dang dead if you ask me. I mean, nails aren’t EVER alive. Not even fingernails! They’re just dead skin. So, anything having to do with nails is dead and so was Guybrush.

Little did we know, however, is that when Guybrush mixed the Head -B- Clear with alcohol, it would cause DEATH LIKE symptoms. He only seemed as though he were dead, but he was taken to the local cemetery anyways.

When Guybrush finally wakes up, he finds himself trapped within a coffin. It is nailed down and shut tight. He bangs and he pushes and he cries… but just a little. He then grabs his trusty chisel and maneuvers the nails out that are holding him captive in his death box.

As he climbs out of his box, he is assaulted by the best known salesman, Stan. He can sell igloos to the Devil himself, I tell you. He’s that good!

Stan is the BOMB.

Plus, the igloo will even come with a porthole defroster! You can’t get a deal like that ANYWHERE else.

Guybrush goes along his way, finds the dead Goodsoup relative that holds the ring and finds out that she is a ghost. Ghosts are not cool and I was so scared during this part, I had to have my 4 year old brother play it.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad. I don’t even have a 4 year old brother.

Anyways… The dead relative cannot leave this world without her dead fiancé, who she cannot find. You have an idea of where he may be, as you walked in on his dead body laying in a bed. It was really not as sexy as it sounds, I promise. So, GB (Guybrush for those people who aren’t as cool as me), goes back to the dude, breaks a hole in the wall and then basically flings the corpse into the burial chamber of the dead Goodsoup. It was really romantic. I had a tear in my eye.

Can you believe he stole her ring?

Now, she can rest in peace and now GB can steal her ring.

He is one step closer to being reunited with Elaine.

Unfortunately, however, Guybrush steals the ring with no diamond in it. Now GB must find the diamond and he hears it’s on Skull Island.

GB now has to figure out how to blow this popcicle stand of an island and get to Skull Island.

He must find the Lost Welshman, who is the ferryman who will take him between the accursed island he currently exists on to Skull Island. The ferryman needs a light house which works. So, Guybrush gets some firebugs in a jar, a mirror, climbs to the top of the light house and places the firebugs and mirror in such a way as to provide a guiding light to the ferryman.

Now, this is a little far fetched. Firebugs do not have the voltage it takes to make a light that bright. Do you think back in the old days they used firebugs to light a light house that provided guidance to wary sailors out in the middle of the seven seas?! NO! They used angry old men who had to stay up all night tending to a candle. If these guys fell asleep on the job, hundreds of men may perish and well… that wouldn’t be good.

FIREBUGS WOULD NOT WORK.

It is just a game though.

Alright… moving on. Guybrush gets out to Skull Island, where he must play a game of cards with the inhabitants of Skull Island to win back the diamond. If he doesn’t win, he will be terminated, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Of course, Guybrush must cheat and cheaters never win, they say. The bad guys get up to shoot GB when a gust of wind blows out the candle lighting the joint up. Guybrush swipes the diamond and takes off for the ferryman’s boat.

GB is lucky he didn’t really piss these people off.

Guybrush leaves Skull Island to return to Blood Island and to retrieve his wife to be. All he has to do now is get the curse ring off of her hand, but it just won’t budge. He remembers Haggis’ lotion, which should do the trick, but Haggis won’t let him have the lotion unless he can find him a tar substitute.

He begins his search of the island at the hotel and finds a big hunk of cheese. Now, cheese can be tar like, if melted properly, but he needs to melt the cheese first. He can make nacho cheese if he can find a place to warm it up. There’s a pot outside the hotel with lava now running beneath it, since Guybrush blew up the volcano with his dastardly deeds. He throws the hunk ‘o cheese in the pot and now has a tar like nacho cheese.

GB delivers the nacho cheese to Haggis, his first or second mate, and Haggis now allows GB to take the lotion GB needs to apply to his ashy ass elbows.

Guybrush takes the lotion, finds Elaine’s statue and applies the lotion to the finger with the ring. The ring pops right off. FANTASTIC. Now his bride to be is without a cursed ring and that’s always good for the groom to be.

He creates a brand new wedding ring out of the engagement band he stole from the dead chick and the diamond he stole from the smugglers. Guybrush steals a lot. He puts the ring on his lovely lass and is promptly punched in the face. As well he should. HE’S ALWAYS SCREWING UP.

Now that Elaine is back to normal, LeChuck can spring in and kidnap both Guybrush and Elaine. Guybrush did all the dirty work and now LeChuck can once again make Elaine his dead pirate wife. Guybrush ends up in a pirate ride in an evil carnival that LeChuck has put together. The carnival is made to kill pirates that will then be part of LeChuck’s crew.

The lovely bride.

He is an evil undead pirate, after all.

Guybrush escapes, of course, but not without consequences. He is turned into a very small child. A child like Guybrush. He is short and he has a gigantic head. Why? I don’t know. Probably LeChuck wanting to get back at Guybrush some how, and what better way to do it than to make Guybrush a small, pain in the ass kid.

Notice the firey beard.

His head is so big… or maybe his body is tiny…

Guybrush now, of course, has to find a way to turn back into an adult. After harrassing the carnies at the carnival, he finds a snow cone that will make him large again. To me, it looks like he ate a pee snow cone, but different strokes for different folks.

Now, GB can kick some pirate butt once again. Guybrush enters the rollercoaster and does what every person who wants to ride a rollercoaster wants to do. He jumps off the coaster and starts wandering around behind the scenes. He encounters LeChuck once again as he’s finding away to destroy LeChuck. Fortunately, for Guybrush, there’s enough stuff in the rollercoaster area to cause a gigantic explosion.

Oh, if only he knew…

Guybrush finds a keg of rum, a rope and a perfect place to hide the would be bomb. As LeChuck is about to smoke Guybrush, GB pulls out his trusty pepper, blows it on LeChuck and causes LeChuck to sneeze. The sneeze causes LeChuck to blow flames out of both ends (I’m assuming) and the would be fuse catches on fire. The fuse reaches the rum and KABLOOIE.

The carnival is a bust. And it blew up, too.

Of course Guybrush gets away. How, I do not know. But remember this is the same game that used firebugs to light up a light house.

IMPLAUSIBLE, YES. Possible? Apparently.

With LeChuck “dead”, Guybrush can now marry Elaine and they live happily ever after.

THE FREAKING END.

Obviously, I throughly enjoyed this game and have played it on MANY DIFFERENT OCCASSIONS. I definitely give this game a 4.5 out of 5 monkey hats.

Why only 4.5? THE ENDING SUCKED… All that work for a craptastic ending. Oh well, at least game play was fun.

LATER.

P.S.: HAHA.. PSYCH. This isn’t my last entry! I lied! Stay tuned next week for another Tuesday Treasure Trove. I LAUGH BECAUSE I TRICKED EVERYONE.

I’m such a loser.

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POSTED IN: Reviews, Treasure Trove Tuesday